waiting is the hardest part (tom petty right?)

i feel like i've been in a rut lately and not sure why.

i think i'm surrounded by this tornado of people trying to figure out what they want to do with the next stage in their life, how much they are willing to compromise, how to find the courage to do what they are passionate about, how their loved ones fit into the picture...the moods change like the wind everyday with my friends and i'm trying not to get caught up and swept away in the storminess of it all.

but at the same time, i'm starting to wonder - is going into education right after bschool the right thing to do? will it limit my successes later on? should i be responsible and find a job that pays more to support myself (and my future potential house, wedding, family, etc)? what if i decide i hate it?

in my heart, i know i will absolutely love it. that's the only reason i have stayed my course. this summer proved it to me on a practical sense. my conversations with like-minded friends proves it to me on an intellectual and emotional sense. and yet, for some reason i am ill at ease.

i think part of it is coming to terms with the fact that i am not pursuing that brand name company job with that brand name level salary that comes with it. i have some ego for god's sake! :) while people say it's so "honorable" to make the decision i made, it's still an internal struggle sometimes.

i think part of it is also that i will be moving again next year. i have just started to really love my friends and home here. and i finally get to spend some semblance of time with my boyfriend. (tho i fear it will grow distant with our busy schedules). at the same time, i can't wait to see my friends back home again, but know it will take some time to reinsert myself into their lives again as well. and i'll have to do another year of long distance with the boy. and i will be trying to make my place in a brand new company in a brand new industry.

transition = uncertainty = excitement = anxiousness

and all i can do is continue on and wait for all the pieces to fall together.