you dog you - happy new year

happy chinese new year everyone! (okay, so it was sunday, but better late than never). year of the dawg, yo. check out your horoscope for the year: http://chinese.astrology.com/year/index.html?ice=ast,tabchi,dog (p.s. if you were born in 1977, you're a snake)

i've been thinking about what it must have been like to have grown up asian in the midwest - i'd be such a different person than who i am now. no one here really ever asks me about my culture or anything about being chinese. it just doesn't come up and doesn't seem to be something that people consider part of my identity. compared to SF, where i feel like it comes up all the time and defines who i am.

a couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend and i went to the only chinese restaurant in Evanston. we just wanted to grab a quick lunch and do the cheap lunch special (we're students afterall). We came in and spoke Chinese to the guy (gotta practice sometime) and he got really excited and started to tell us about the special (steamed mutton buns). then he gave us both the lunch menu and the "real" one and said, "oh, you guys probably don't want anything from the lunch menu. here's the good stuff." i looked at dodger and was, like, shoot! does that mean i, as a true chinese, can't order from the lunch menu now? He'll look down on us. he will think we are those total white-washed asian americans who aren't really asian. we aren't! we aren't! i wanted to say. i can speak the language. i know about all the crazy superstitions. i even own those silk slippers. i just want a cheap mabo tofu dish. is that so bad?

we were ready to compromise and order one order from the "real" menu and one order from the lunch menu. then maybe he'd still be able to look us in the eye. then we caved. "Two orders of the mabo tofu special please."

Aw well, i got over it.

Last week, i went over to my friend diva's place and made potstickers from scratch. green onions, water chestnuts, straw mushrooms, ground meat. just like our moms used to make. it was so therapeutic, refreshing, nostalgic. there's just something about these traditions that makes life good again.

on chinese new year, i flew back from dallas (for an interview). i didn't have anything planned but in a last minute of sadness about it, i decided to make a homecooked meal for my boyfriend and i. i couldn't bear not celebrating chinese new year at all. i went to the grocery store to pick up some things and in front of me at checkout was this old chinese lady buying some ingredients for dinner. i don't ever see old chinese ladies around here. she talked with an accent, seemed very kind and reminded me of my mom. made me miss home even more on the new year day. i tapped her on the shoulder, smiled and said, "happy new year". She looked up caught off guard, smiled and touched me on the shoulder and said in chinese, "you are a sweet girl. happy new year too." that made me feel at home, just for a second.

some greens, soup, my potstickers. in the end, it became a really nice meal. nothing even close to what mom used to make - she'd cringe. but alas, that's just a telltale that my version of chinese will never be what it was growing up. i'm just as american as i am chinese now. but it's a part of me that i don't think i'd ever let go of. kinda like mabo tofu.