random musing #3

a recent experience has really gotten me to think about what my relationships mean to me at this point in my life right now.

my boyfriend and i talk about this all the time - i think we're both the type of people who really enjoy the company of a lot of different types of friends. i'm not the sort of person who has 5 close-knit friends with whom i hang out with every single weekend, like on Friends. i am also not the type of person who says, "i have enough friends. i don't need to invest in meeting anymore people."

part of what i enjoy most in my life is the connections i make with people - and i mean that to be relationships, acquaintances, conversations i've had with people i'll never see again, a chat with the guy next to me at a poker table in vegas. there are really so many people out there to meet, get to know, learn from, grow with. why not hear about it and get to know more? they can only bring more insights and perspectives to my life. i'm not saying that i want to be best friends with all of them. you can know people on many different levels and to varying capacities. but there's a lot of value that a person can get by being open to that.

however, at the same time, i am conflicted because i am so over trying to be friends with people who aren't themselves. being in vegas this last weekend magnifies that. why do people care about "the scene" or expensive things or hanging out with people they don't even really like? life is so short that to do that seems so silly to me.

it takes a lot of reflection and nurturing to get to a point where you are really comfortable with who you are. and i feel like many people still don't take the time to do that (or maybe are afraid to) and busy themselves with all these other inconsequential things (reminds me of the little prince - tangent sorry). but knowing who you are (or not knowing) affects every interaction you have, person you meet and thing you do. to me, it's more important than anything else - it's the foundation to which all other things are laid and relationships are made. at the end of the day, it is through that basis that you, at the end of your life, will say, these are the things that i chose to spend my time with/doing. am i happy with that?

i ask myself that question often, just as a check to see if what i'm doing with my life are the right things. so far so good. but it's always good to keep asking...