weening process

so over the past 3 years or so, i've been really fortunate to have had the opportunity to travel to some really cool places (i.e. egypt, iceland, burma). but i was having a conversation with a friend tonight and the ironic thing is, i'm not really sure if i'm ready yet to do the cross-country thing through the country of which i've spent all the years of my life.

the thing is, i know that i will find a lot of beauty and appreciation in what i will see, in big ways and small. but what i'm not ready for yet, are the looks, stares, and potential harassment that comes with it. i love a lot of things about the u.s. - our rights, standard of living, spirit of innovation and entrepreneurship, diversity. but i also know that there is still a lot of ignorance and intolerance interwoven into that culture, especially when it comes to geographies outside of the coasts and larger cities. and i'm not ready for the country i grew up in to not accept me.

maybe that's me being paranoid or silly. but when my friend was planning his trip across the country, his white friends told him to not go to the deep south and not to do certain things, because, frankly, why put yourself in dangerous situations? (he felt it in some places too)

and for me, as a small asian american women, who would most likely travel with my asian american boyfriend or my small asian american sister, i think i would have to heed to that same advice. part of me thinks, no, if i'm going to do the cross country trip, i want to do it authentically, take in the good and the bad. if i'm going to experience it, why not go to the deep south and see it for what it really is like. but at the same time, the reality of the situation is, maybe i might find myself in a bad situation. am i willing to risk that for the sake of truth and authenticity?

i dunno. i got excited about the trip as my friend dave talked about his experience. he covered the larger cities in each state. memphis, st. louis, etc. and he said he got used to the looks and stares over time.

maybe i'll start with those larger cities. for my first trip around anyways. it's like a weening process. i don't want to give up the feeling of safety and security just yet (and i mean that in an emotional sense too) in the place i grew up and still represent. funny how that works.