the point of return

i officially accepted an internship offer today for this summer. it feels like such a load off my back because i really like this position and now i can move on with my plans for the next several months. California - back i come! ironically, that is where my boyfriend currently lives but he will not be there for the summer. ah, such is the hustle and bustle of two busy people in a long-distance relationship.

i'm actually really scared and excited about this job. i decided when i came to business school that i wouldn't get sidetracked with the gazillion amazing opportunities that would be offered at our feet at school. i left one of those opportunities to get here (further validated by my classmates requests to help them land a job in yahoo land) and it's primarily because i really want a job where i can feel like i'm making a real difference. and yes, at yahoo, i was able to touch millions of people each day, but it was different because it's hard to grasp how you are helping millions of people in the amorphous internet sky by providing one company statement after another to reporters.

i want to go into the school system and help fix it. the typical reaction is "oh, so you want to be a teacher?" because that's as deep as most people understand education - either you are a teacher or you aren't and that's "admirable" if you are. but really, the way i see it, to fix a school system is not through teaching - no matter how much teaching talent you have, if you don't have the infrastructure, budget or management in place to provide the appropriate resources to these teachers, you've got nothing. and that's where i feel like i can make a difference.

the scary part is that it almost feels like an all or nothing bet (sorry, my poker references are inevitable) even though i know it's not. this is my one chance to dive in there and see if education is for me. of course in the back of my mind, i think "what if it's not? then what? where do i go from there? i really have no idea" and of course, i always say to myself that i have to at least try or else i'll always wonder! if it isn't for me, there will always be something else. right???

really though, i'm spoiled. i am only in the position to be interested in education and education management because the rest of my hierarchy of needs, as good old Maslow would say, are met. i'm not worrying about putting food on the table. i'm not worried about shelter, money, or even love for that matter. i have all of those things, fortunately. and whichever way you look at it, whether i'm cut out for education or not, i'd still be in a pretty darn lucky situation no matter how i slice it after this is all said and done in terms of my career prospects.

i'll have a degree from the #1 business school in the country, i would have worked at one of the most successful global media/internet companies around and i can pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time. what a steal!

seriously though, i think it's always so easy to lose perspective about how lucky we all are on any given day. i mean if you really want to look at it, i have two working legs, i can see, i can talk and hear fine and i can move my arms and hands as i please. i am lucky. and i count my blessings everyday.