oh my God, it's the organ again...

so at about 5:15 pm every other day, there is organ/choir/whatever-other-religious-musical-entities-there-are rehearsals happening downstairs from where i work. did i mention that i work in an office in a church across the hall from the massive organ? yes, it's true.

usually, i'm too engrossed in my work (no, really) to really pay attention. but today, i came back from a meeting and just settled down into my seat when i started to hear the music. the strange thing is, for the non-religious person that i am (sorry, mom), i found it very soothing.

i started to analyze why this was so and came to the conclusion that there is still an imprint from my eight years in Catholic school left in me. Though i was probably one of three students at my school who wasn't Catholic, i think i did find mass and the songs and the sermons somewhat soothing. not so much because i believed in God, but more because it all felt so inspirational as a kid - there was nothing else in my life at the time that talked about a greater force that pushed people to help change the world for the better. i think, to a certain degree, that has had a lasting impact on me in terms of how i interact with the world today.

and while i'm still not Catholic, or Christian (my preschool), or Buddhist (my parents' religion) - yeah, i got my share of religion when i was a kid - i catch myself once in a while singing those songs from mass or thinking about some buddhist way of life that some monk said at my house and i do find it familiar and strangely soothing. i think that based on my varied religious upbringing, i've taken certain aspects of all of these beliefs and extracted out of them the way i want to live my life without the constructs, constraints or rules tied to any one religion.

it's simple really. live life true to yourself, respect others, be kind and give more to others than others may offer you in return. with that, i believe a person can make a lasting and positive impact on those around them and be happy too.

i would like to believe that there is a greater being out there (maybe?) - afterall, it's pretty amazing that this earth and humankind exists the way we do (and some things are just too beautiful to be left without explanation and created by chance). but when it comes down to it, i like things grounded in fact and i think people need to take ownership of their actions not because an entity believes it's right or is guiding them to that path, but because they themselves believe it's the right thing to do.

this is not to say that i don't have faith in my life. i have faith in what i can accomplish, i have faith in my friends as good people, i have faith in my family being there for me always and i have faith that my boyfriend loves me. so maybe that's it. i don't feel empty without a god. i actually feel very fulfilled.

and i count my blessings everyday.