getting back to normal

i was on my flight home from austin this weekend and it wasn't until the women next to me grabbed her husband's hand as she drifted off to sleep that i felt a surge of missing my boyfriend.

they were an older couple. probably in their 50s and happy and comfortable in the way that my mom's cooking makes me feel - there was a sense of reliability and appreciation in the cheer they brought to each other; just by being there, it seemed to make things right with the world and while not fully present all of the time, were accessible in the moments it really matters.

i missed my boyfriend at that moment because, looking at the everyday-ness of the couple's actions reminded me of the everyday-ness that i haven't had in our relationship in a long time. i just miss being able to lean on his shoulder during a movie. to grab his hand when i'm nervous, kiss him on the cheek when i come into a room, sit next to him on the couch with our feet up even if we both have to work. not to say that we don't have those moments in the times we do get to see each other during the long distance, but there's something to be said about having that accessible to you when you want it, need it, feel it. i'm all about the instant gratification.

oh well. the long haul is almost over, i suppose. i'm just waiting to get back to normal...