Peg Me Normal

When a person gets pegged a normal, or “non-dysfunctional” person, it’s funny the way people give them advice. Actually, it’s not funny. I just say that sometimes out of habit. I don’t know why. Funny, eh? See, there I go again.

Anyway, back to the point. As a labeled functional, well-balanced, etc etc person myself, I’ve begun to notice that the advice people give me sometimes isn’t really advice at all. It’s just mirroring what they think they already see in my life.

When I worry about my relationship with my boyfriend, they say,
“But you guys are meant for each other.”
Or “but you guys get along so great.”
Or, “but when I look at relationships, I always measure them against you two.”

Now, my intention is not to, in some lame implicit way brag about my relationship here, but rather to point out –what if we aren’t? What if we have real problems too? What if what you see is what you hope and wish is there because then at least it’s a standard to look to when you can’t find it elsewhere?

This happens in other ways too. When I get stressed out or tired, I tend to absorb and internalize it. In other words, I may look and act calm, but inside, my heart may be racing, my shoulders tense, I am distraught.

When I tell people about feeling stressed or worried, sometimes they say,
“But you can handle it, you will be fine.”
Or “You just don’t need as much sleep. You’ll see. It’s fine.”
Or “You’ve always been able to deal. You’re balanced.”
Some of this may or may not be true – but do they also know that every couple of months or so, I feel adrift, disconnected, want to runaway to something else entirely? That I want to cry sometimes just to get it out, whatever it is?

I wonder if this is how normal people slowly become disconnected with the world. Like those Desperate Housewives types that learn to just act as though they are completely normal and prim and then you find out they were part of an underground prostitution ring or secretly a drug dealer or likes to dress up like clowns or something. And it’s because, over time, they are given a role to play, and they just learn to act out that role and smile because people just expect the expected from them.

Don’t worry – I’m not about to bust out my Pretty Woman act or dress up like a clown. Just offering the perspective that “normal” people don’t really exist. We are all a little unbalanced (and maybe a little strange) in our heart of hearts. There are things in my life, the fire in my loins, that I will probably never talk about with people unless in the most intimate of circumstances, but know that it exists – some of it may be kinda normal or kinda quirky or kinda dark. Things aren’t always what they seem. Just learn to expect that the expected isn’t always.