we're gettin all grows up

With my 10-year high school reunion coming up in August, i've been thinking a lot about the funny way life evolves.

On my first day of school, I cried the whole time until my dad came to pick me up because i did't want to leave my parents' side. Then, I was in elementary school and coming home meant leaving my four-square and tetherball games with my friends (who, at the time, were most of my classmates because kids aren't as critical as we are now). In junior high, coming home meant taking me away from my time hanging out with friends and the boys i had crushes on. In high school, when I finally had my own car, coming home was a reminder that my independence was still limited to a curfew. And in college, coming home meant more appreciation for all the things my parents had done over the years that i never noticed as much as i should have until they were gone - home-cooked meals, clean laundry, fresh sheets and a comfortable bed and a loving send off back to school - knowing full well that they would have open arms and ears whenever i needed them.

But now, it's different and it's a tough one for me. After my recent visit with my parents, coming home makes me realize the reality of my parents mortality. The body aches, white hair and wrinkles are more apparent. The degree to which my parents get tired, talk about old friends who have passed away or are suffering from health problems has increased.

I worry about my dad's heart murmur and my mom's blood pressure. I find that now an evolution of role reversals is at work. I find myself wanting to drive them around, do laundry, volunteer for anything that i think might be too much for them that i can help with. I find myself thinking and hoping that they will see the days when my life will begin to fill out like theirs have - getting married, buying a house, having kids, taking care of grandparents.

Growing up and growing old is a funny process. I went from not being able to get enough of my parents to not wanting anything to do with them to feeling like i can never show them enough how much i love them now. and soon, it'll be the other way around again when i'm the one with the wrinkles...