My parents just left today, after living with us for the last month, helping with the little bubba and with my recovery. It's strange because I know that both my parents and I are left with competing emotions of both sadness and the desire to resume our normal lives again.
I have to admit, I had some reservations about having my parents live with us for a whole month. I haven't done that in over a decade and wasn't sure how it was going to go. but as far as potential family tensions go, they have been amazing. so loving and thoughtful and respectful of roger and my life here in this house. i don't know what i would have done without them the last few weeks.
i'm trying to imagine being in their shoes and what it must have felt like living here and helping and now leaving. at the door when we were saying goodbye, my mom started tearing up and then crying and gave me a big hug. i was totally taken aback. in my mind, i would see them again soon and was not prepared for an emotional goodbye. and you have to understand, my mom does not cry very often. when she does, it breaks my heart. so when she came in for the hug, with tears in her eyes, of course, it triggered immediate tears from me. i hugged her tight and couldn't let go for what felt like a long time.
what was she most sad about leaving behind? being able to spend real quality time with her grandson? with her daughter who she hasn't done that with in a really long time? feeling needed and appreciated again the way she used to when her kids truly depended on her for their happiness? it made me think about how rewarding and hard it must be to be a mom (or parent, really) and what my mom has gone through with us and seeing us grow up. in the beginning, they are like my little bubba. entirely dependent on me for their existence. then, as they become toddlers or even young children, they still are dependent on you but also give you complete and total unconditional love. as they get older, say, middle school, you as a parent may feel that first tension or resistence they have about you. they think you don't know everything and that you don't understand them. they are embarrassed of you. how heartbreaking that must be. then, they actually don't need you as much anymore. in fact, they soon become teenagers and then adults and grow into their independent lives, maybe move away, call every so often and during holidays. but you may feel that they are absorbed in their own lives, that you play a smaller and smaller role in their everyday.
It must be hard then, to be my mom, who has adjusted to that phase and then come here, where she is all of a sudden, totally needed again. if i were her, i'd love that feeling again. her daughter is asking her for advice. appreciating her cooking and helping. asking her to help with taking care of her grandson. it feels lively, like a full house again with a sense of purpose for why she is there. just like it was when we were younger. and now, that fades away again. she'll go back home, of course, to the comfort of her own home, own bed. to her garden and her clothes and tools. her neighborhood and routine. but something must feel missing in that. it would for me. her grandson is now growing up hundreds of miles away from her after she has tended to him every day for the first month of his life. her daughter is going to learn to be independent of her again, after needing her so much for several weeks. and there must be a sense of emptiness in that.
even for me, i am looking forward to resuming my life here. figuring out my own rhythm and routine with this little guy in my life now. on maternity leave and then when i start working again. but at the same time, it was SO nice being cared for again. having my mom here who just knows what i need to feel better and feel taken care of. to be able to have my parents in my son's life and for them to get to see him change and grow with each day. and that is suddenly gone. and it does feel a little empty.
it also makes me think about how my parents are also getting older. that one day, i may be the one to help take care of them this way. that i might be the one to cook and clean for them - when they need me the most. this I will, of course, do for them, no questions asked. it is the least i can do with everything they have given me. it is what i hope my little bubba will do for me and dodger one day.
talk about getting ahead of myself though. what's up with these hormones?
