Riding the Cruise Ship

i would like to first say that i am not usually one for celebrity gossip. i don't read any of those US Weekly-type magazines, i don't watch E! or Access Hollywood, and i'm usually one of the last to hear about the latest news (i didn't even know there was a Bennifer 2 til last night). Frankly, i don't usually obsess about the lives of the famous because there's enough in my daily life and the broader world around us to keep me intrigued.

But one thing has strangely taken on the form of a mini-obsession for me as of late: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH TOM CRUISE??!!

Yesterday, I spent at least an hour reading about his crazy antics over the last two months and another hour talking to people about it. It clearly does not deserve this much of my mindspace, but it totally draws me in. A great blog writes an interesting commentary on the whole thing, including the TomKat thing (don't you know? that's what the couple is called - now i know), his crazy scientology/anti-drug talk and all other things weird Tom: http://www.fametracker.com/blue_moons/mediator_2005_06_14.shtml

Yes, i spent time today reading that too.

But the thing that bothers me the most is I can't really put my finger on why i'm so intrigued by this whole thing. I think part of it is that he just seemed so normal to me for so long (his squeaky clean image, marriage to nicole) and for him to come out now, after 20 years of a career and show that he's actually been crazy all this time makes me rethink how easy/hard it is for people to hide their true selves from everyone and how long it takes for it to come out.

Another piece of it, i think, is that i used to do PR and realizing the power that Pat Kingsley had on keeping him under wraps is really quite remarkable. I am constantly reminded, from my few years in the industry and at times like these, that what the public sees is often so far from the truth of what really is. it's partly why i left the field - you start to forget what's reality and what is of your own shaping and what becomes both.

The other thoughts that keep crossing my mind is 1: how brilliant Ron Hubbard was and 2: the power that celebrities have is freaking scary. For Hubbard to say that it is the artists who ultimately will own/shape the future is brilliant. Who has the most power to wield over the masses? It's not Bush - it's the Britneys, Madonnas and Toms of the world. Look at Tom's ability to convert thousands of people to his crackpot religion, with Katie as his latest victim. Look at how he gets major hollywood executives to take 4 hour tours of the Scientology centers. It's scary!

Ultimately too, i really do believe that it's not a publicity stunt anymore - that he is legitimately kookoo and it makes me wonder how that happened to him, what causes one's mind to turn to fizz. it makes me uncomfortable to see someone i semi-like turn nutso in front of millions of people - it's the trainwreck that i can't stop watching and i can't help but hop on for the ride.

happy bday dodger!

just wanted to give a quick shout out to my boyfriend since it's his birthday today and instead of having a big house party where he throws up and passes out by 11 pm like he does every year, this year he's decided to spend it leading 12 high school kids around as part of The Experiment in Living (http://www.experiment.org/) in Australia for 4 weeks. The selfless bastard, that's why i love him. happy bday dodger - hope you arrived in Australia safely!

it's all about the Good Stuff

because commuting to work everyday in silence has been so PAINFUL now that i don't have either a car stereo or any CDs, i've resorted to some "creative" ways to alleviate the dead quiet.

yesterday i dug up my old discman and found one of three lonely CDs that my car thief had so graciously left me - it was titled "Good Stuff" which obviously meant it was good. phew, and i was worried for a second there that it was my other CD titled "Bad Stuff". Turns out listening to the same CD over and over again on the ride to and from work is not so ideal though - especially when i'm only allowed to listen to the headphones through one ear when i'm driving (i'm a responsible driver, see?).

so today, i tried something different. i decided to start up my computer and play my iTunes while it sat in my passenger seat. that worked for a while until the sound went really low. then i had to try finding my mouse via touchpad to fix the volume. not such a great idea when i'm driving down the winding highway that is the 280 at 80 mph (i swear i'm a responsible driver!).

so then it got me thinking (this happens when one is forced to drive in silence for two hours a day). what's so bad about silence? i'm one for self-reflection, winding down after a long day, trying to figure out the meaning of life. all that "Good Stuff."

but then i realized that after all this time, i've been rewired to never be idle anymore. if i'm waiting somewhere, i can call people and take care of errands via my cell phone. if i'm working out, i can bring my music and watch TV monitors. if i'm bored at work, i can not only visit my coworkers, but a bazillion things are at my fingertips on the Web, via IM AND on the phone all at the same time.

and in terms of being able to process my thoughts, contemplate the meaning of life and all that Garden State-y stuff, well, you are witness to today's therapy. my blog.

triggers

isn't it funny how one simple thing can trigger a bad mood? how one minute you are happy as a clam and the next minute, you're like "what the f**k happened? what took away that good mood?" Sometimes LDRs are harder than i realize...

I made it through Satan's Cesspool

just got back tonight from my first whitewater rafting trip ever. now for most, this might not seem like a big deal. but for me, as someone who does not know how to swim and is slightly afraid of water, i'd call it a win for the day.

the weekend of camping and rafting was awesome. it was an eclectic mix of 15 pretty different people who were friends of different friends, so most of us did not know each other well or at all. there were a couple of musicians and nonprofit folks, a carpenter/stone mason, a consultant, two students, a couple of internet guys and a guy who used to do window dressings for Tiffany's and now works for the SF Opera to give you a flavor. Turns out the stars aligned and gave us a great group of people so there was much fun, adventure and sharing to be had.

we had two days of rafting - the first day was part orientation to rafting (learning how to maneuver and row in calm waters - at least half of us were newbies) and half rapids, which was the best part. of course, i was somewhat nervous since i was the only one who couldn't swim. i had told my parents that i went camping - not rafting - since i figured they would freak out knowing i couldn't swim. i kept thinking, "how are they going to explain to my mom that i ended up missing, last seen floating down the American River?"

In the end, it was so much fun, it pushed the limits of how much i would have done myself, totally makes me want to go again and made me think about how adventurous a person i really am? before this, i used to think i was fairly adventurous - i've gone skydiving, ziplining through rainforests, caving, got a tattoo, etc. i love trying new things and there's something to be said about pushing your comfort zone a little bit to learn more about yourself and the world around you.

but this trip - i was at one point, truly afraid for my life. i don't know if it's just me getting older, or watching my friend Plutonium fall into fairly active rapids the first day or what (though she was as calm and graceful about it as audrey hepburn post training in My Fair Lady). but i feel like i should have been more adventurous - been okay with jumping in the river with my life jacket on, doing wheelies with the raft (which we ended up doing anyway and was lots of fun!), etc. so it got me thinking - am i really adventurous or just willing to extend out only to the ends of my safest points? and if the latter is true, what does that really mean anyway? that i'm a poser when it comes to trying new things?

of course that's probably not entirely the case, but i do think i could work on being more adventurous. i'd like to extend beyond my inner safety limits. life is too short and there are too many things out there to try and experience without fear getting in the way.

anyway, the rest of the weekend was great - the group brought lunch fixings complete with guacamole and salt and vinegar chips. yum. at the end of rafting today (we conquered these tougher rapids called TroubleMaker and Satan's Cesspool), we ended up at this beach/grassy hill area and just laid out in the sun, listened to some guy strumming his guitar, played with neighbors' dogs and drank beer and ate cherries. life was good.

this was one of those great weekend trips - i was apprehensive at first about how fun it would be, mixed with the excitement of the unknown since i didn't know too many of the people. by the end, the departure was bittersweet with all of us going back to our normal lives and jobs again with the uncertainty as to whether we will ever see each other again. but it was also pretty cool because we shared this one great saturated moment together, with this particular dynamic of people and outcome that can't be replicated again. and that i think, we will all appreciate for a long time to come, with conversations that start with, "remember that time when we..."

anyway, glad i did it - hitting the sack now - we'll see what parts of my body will be sore tomorrow...

P.S.

Turns out Tony the mover (see first bullet of previous post) was a total sweetheart. He used to be an executive director of a soup kitchen for 12 years (at which our school used to volunteer!). He then wanted to continue helping the poor and offered moving services to low income people at really low rates – as more a service than a business. And now he’s trying to make it into a legitimate business.

a lil recap

since i'm sitting here waiting for the guy to come fix my smashed window (see previous post) and i don't feel like working right now, i thought i'd give a lil recap of the last month that i've been blogless.

My first official year of business school ended in a flurry - i finished finals on tuesday, packed all my furniture and stuff on wed (you CAN pack your whole apt in less than 24 hours i've discovered!), moved then flew to LA on Thursday, drove from LA to SF on Friday and started work with a 12-hour orientation day on Saturday.

Some highlights of this journey:

• I used movers for the first time ever. Tony, the guy I arranged the move with (and who i was totally convinced was shady) shows up with two other guys. Turns out Tony has one leg and is on crutches! (no, really)
• When my strange movers and I arrived at the storage place with all my stuff, there was a sign on the door saying “Due to a power outage, we will be closed the rest of the day. Will re-open 7:30 am tomorrow.” I almost freaked out. I talked them into taking me as one of their last customers. Yay for being a girl and having negotiation skills!
• That night, to celebrate the end of our first year together, my girlfriends and I were planning on going to a big party that the rest of our friends were at. Us four musketeers consisted of Red, who had to go home and study for a final, Doppel, who was sick and hacking up a cough, Noodles who had blisters on her feet and me, who was running on fumes after 3 hours of sleep and about 12 hours of packing and moving. We were a walking party-in-a-box, let me tell ya.
• We make a “quick” stop by school to pick up Noodles’ camera from my friend BoBear’s locker (long story) but for the life of me, I can’t find her locker! Noodles and Doppel decide to come in and help me and insist on walking through the bushes like the secret agents that they are.
• We finally find the locker, but the combination BoBear gave me is wrong. Or as I find out a few minutes later on the phone, BoBear doesn’t remember which locker is hers!!! So we end up trying her combination on ten billion rows of lockers and still no luck. Someone will be walking into that room with all the locks ending at 26.
• By this time, it’s near midnight and we are getting calls from our friends saying the party sucks and they are all coming home from downtown. So much for our big night out (but secretly I think all of us were thrilled because we were really in pain). It’s a Blockbuster night!
• We get to Noodle’s apt at 11:56 pm. Just in time to not be able to make it to Blockbuster before it closes by midnight. Ah, well, that’s okay. We’ll just watch whatever movie is playing on cable. Except Noodles just cancelled her cable. Ah, well, that’s okay. We can just watch one of the movies she owns – nobody puts Baby in the corner!! Except the DVD player is not working. Ah, well...We end up just talking about life and this past year and this summer for two hours anyway – who needs other sources of entertainment when you’ve got great company, right? :)

some jackass broke into my car - i will miss my elephunk

so following that rave review about the bay area, i'd like to report that my car got broken into last night. parked right in front of my house!

i will preface this by saying that my neighborhood - though rich in diversity, culture and old vs. new convergences - is not the best neighborhood in the city. and that i have a freakin' honda civic with a car stereo that i did not put in my trunk (can we say flashing red target?). but regardless, this sucks ass.

and the suckiest ass part about this is that my car stereo (of which i fully depend on for my livelihood during my hour+ commutes to work everyday) and all my favorite CDs (i would venture to guess about 70 of them) are gone. Goodbye black-eyed peas, beta band, les nubiennes, jay chou, jack johnson and all my countless others i've loved and depended on for so long...

i've never had my car broken into before and this morning when i walked out of my house and saw my window smashed in, my first reaction was: "Aw, man. my car got broken into - shit, this will take all day to take care of." No shock or surprise. Isn't that strange? My car got broken into and i wasn't jilted in the least.

Some might say that it's just my personality - those who know me well will say that i'm pretty even-keeled, calm under pressure, work best under crises. But my reaction also makes me feel like the older we get, the less things we are surprised by anymore. shit just happens and we deal. there's some comfort in that - we can handle things better as adults - but there's also some sadness in that too. the freakouts and shrieks of delight in life (which we used to experience so often as a kid) remind us how much emotion we can feel and how complex it is to be human. what does it mean if we don't feel as often anymore?

P.S. Can we talk one second about how great filing online police reports is instead of having to go down to the station or waiting for them to come to you for hours? technology these days. (god, freak. i am an adult now.)

su DSL es mi DSL

When i used to work at Yahoo!, we used to say that it was a company with a start-up feel. But at my internship this summer, man, have i learned the true meaning of start-up! Just to paint you a picture of what it's like here, here are a few indications:

• We "borrow" the wireless internet from the organization across the hall
• My "desk" is a folding table
• We are located in an office in a church
• Copies of the keys for me are made by the Pastor's assistant
• Visitors have to buzz the organization across the hall to ask for us and get into the building (visions of that episode of Friends comes to mind when Chandler and Joey get pizza delivered to Monica's apartment so that Monica brings it over and they don't have to get out of their lazy boys)

But aside from all these details, I am totally loving my internship! So much so that i feel almost guilty telling my classmates how much i'm enjoying it - "it's work...you know" some have said to me about theirs. My boss is great, i get to do interesting and impactful work and i'm learning a lot every day.

If anything, this internship has shown me that i really want to be in education, that this is something that makes me feel passionate about my job and that i'm doing something truly meaningful (granted, it's only my second week, but hey...).

as background, i'm working with an organization that works with parents of a community to start new public schools in underserved areas. they help get these schools started (incubator), they help select and train the principals who have an innovative vision for how to teach students (like focusing on art and science, or doing group project-based work instead of regular homework assignments) and they fund them for the first 3 years to get them off the ground. they just launched 3 new schools in the last year.

I'm working on figuring out how best to grow the organization and helping them write up their business plan - both things i've never done before, but hey - first time for everything and i'm enjoying the journey. some highlights for me have been interviewing board members, visiting the schools, sitting in on strategic meetings (including with ex-mayor of san jose, exciting!) and interviewing two school principals (both of whom were 26 years old and amazing!).

on top of that, can i just say for a second, how glad i am to be back in the bay area?? being gone just reminds me of all the things i took for granted while i was here. the beautiful view, access to mountains, water and city life, my friends. after the years that i've lived here, i still look in awe at the view driving back across the bridge at night. and now, i not only get to see my friends back home, but also my classmates that are here for the summer and the other 16 interns i've met too. can't wait to see how the rest of the summer pans out!