in the snow of the night

at the end of my school day (which ran to about 8 pm tonight), i had a throbbing headache, a scratchy throat and impending cold/flu, with my eyes strained and out of focus from staring at my computer screen for four hours straight (oh, look, i'm doing that again now!). let's just say i wasn't feeling the best.

then, as i left the building to walk home, i realized it was snowing outside. and all of a sudden, my mood was lifted.

it was just a light sprinkle of snow - enough to make it glisten on the ground under the street lamps as i took my walk home. i liked the crunching it made under my footsteps. i liked how my prints left a trace so the next person behind me could imagine the path i was taking, as i was doing of the person before me. i thought about how some of the times, i'm sad cuz i miss the warmth of the weather and friends in california. and how sometimes, i just really love that i moved away to nights like tonight because it was my own.

yes, i had on a down jacket, gloves, a hood and boots. but i was warm, it was crisp outside and it's a joy i now know that i never had before in my memory.

It's all in the cards...

So we had a charity ball auction this past Saturday night. Go figure. "Poor" grad students bidding at a fancy pants charity auction in our nice gowns and tuxes. Apparently the color "sunshine" is in for the spring, btw.

I bid and won my very first thing at an auction! Me and four other girls won a card-counting lesson in blackjack by one of the best stats professors at our school (prof of the year baby!!). We're going to a riverboat casino so that he can "evaluate" our learning. I secretly think some of the girls wanted to bid cuz they think he's "cool". I personally, have an affinity for gambling. Which is better? For you to decide. :P

Do you know the Shinyhead man, the Shinyhead man...(you don't want to)

Tonight i went out to dinner with a bunch of folks, including two prospective applicants to my bschool. One, let's call him Shinyhead, sits at my end of the table.

The logical and friendly thing to do here is introduce myself.

Me: "Hi, my name is Tatertot."
Shinyhead: "......................"
(okay - maybe he's just slow)
Shinyhead: "....................." (keep in mind he's just staring at me blankly)
(if this guy doesn't know his own name, houston, we have a problem)
Shinyhead: "um...I'm Shinyhead. I was going to say something clever, but I couldn't think of anything."
(hmm, not much better than forgetting your own name)

So, not a big deal, he's just trying a little too hard. Fine. We continue on with dinner. I don't talk to him much until the end, when everyone is about to leave. He's looking for a party.

Unfortunately, this week happens to have been an especially brutal week for most of us and we are wiped out and ready for a quiet night at home. I call some friends to see who can take him out. No takers. I feel bad, because he probably thinks we are all lame losers who don't go out and he wants to get a feel of what our school and environment is like. and i hate letting people walk away with a not so stellar impression of our bschool (yes, sorry, i am a geek).

I contemplate, for a second, about taking him and the other prospective out for a beer at the local bar to appease him. Then the second passed.

He, my friend Jgirl and I are all headed in the same direction, so we walk a few blocks together.

Shinyhead: "You know, i was all set to go downtown and i ended up coming to dinner with you guys instead of hanging out with my friend that i hadn't seen in a long time."
(oh, how fortunate for us)
Shinyhead: "But I guess I'm glad I came...it was...fun."
(was it? cuz your enthusiasm is shooting out of your nose. i can tell. really.)

And here it comes:
Shinyhead: "So can you guys pull some strings?"
Both Jgirl and I are confused.
Me: "What do you mean? Pull what strings?"
Shinyhead: "To get me in here, to your school."
(the nerve! i just met you 45-minutes ago, sucka. i don't even know that i like you. It takes me longer to decide on a pair of shoes. God, i'm glad i didn't tell him i'm on admissions.)
Jgirl and Me: "Unfortunately, we don't have any strings."

Jgirl parts ways with us, and lucky for me, Shinyhead and I still have about a block to go before i shake him from my night.

Shinyhead: "So is everyone married at your school? Cuz I am SOO single."
(nice. you are desparate in more ways than one i see)
Me: "There's a good amount of single people. There's a lot who are dating though."
Shinyhead: "Oh really. Like who?"
(um, you want me to name all the people i know who are dating who you don't know?)
Me: "Um, what do you mean?" (i seem to be saying that a lot tonight)
Shinyhead: "Are you single?"
(eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww)
Me: "No, I have a boyfriend"
(and if i didn't, i would to you)
Shinyhead: "Oh... How bout your friend? Jgirl?"
(nice. move on you desparate ickster man. i would not let you near Jgirl even if you paid for my tuition. okay for tuition, maybe i'd just let you near her.)
Me: "She's kinda taken."
Me: "Well, good night. hope you find your way back to your car."
(so that you can drive your ass out of my town)

to think - i contemplated being nice and taking him out to the bar. sometimes being nice really doesn't pay off. good riddance Shinyhead man. i hope to not see you in the fall.

12 days

that's how many days my bf and i have seen each other in the last six months. That's a whole whopping 6% of the time.

this 12-day statistic may seem like a sad state of affairs to most people and of course if i had it my way, i'd see my boyfriend all the time. but really - and here's my little thought for the day - for some relationships, it doesn't matter. the interesting part is that i feel just as close, if not closer to him now than i did six months ago.

why?

there are some people you meet along the way in life (like my boyfriend, my best friend living in georgia, my sis), who you not only share wavelengths with, but they are awesome enough that your relationship with them is unencumbered (99% of the time - hey, no rlsp is perfect) by all the lame shitty unnecessary things that make people freak out in relationships. "where do i stand with him/her?" "why hasn't he called me back?" "do i like him/her more than he/she likes me?" "am i giving more than he/she is?"

the awesome people don't measure relationships by months, gifts or reassurances. they measure by open arms, secure hearts and Just-What-I-Neededs. and they let you free to grow, meet other people and try new things without the worry that they will lose you. the rest is just paint on the canvas.

so in the end, i wish i could see my boyfriend for more than 12 days every half year. but in a way, it's nice to know that even with just 12 days, that paint and canvas makes for more than the sum of its parts. (oh, and by the way, did i mention that he might be moving here? ;P)

"Art washes from the soul the dust of everyday life" -- Pablo Picasso

i heart you

after the flowers dry, the cards are put in desk drawers and the candy eaten, there is left but me to love you. - dlee

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE! Thanks for making every day valentine's day for me - a shout out and big hugs to my favorite Iceland girls, Big Dogs, Yahoos, Bay Area babes, Georgia on my mind, my fam and as always, my sweetest heart, dodger.

just what i needed...

it's been a long week. one job offer rejection. two fights with a boyfriend. three midterms due. four dinner dates and partridge in a pear tree. and it's only thursday.

today was a me day. i indulged in a 1-hour massage in chicago (i think it's my other new addiction), divine indian food on devon st., and a mini girls night of magazine flipping, dessert gourging and girl gossip.

can i just say that there's nothing like a real massage? strong smooth hands relaxing every part of your body that you didn't even know was that tense...i can only think of a few other things that are comparable...;)

California's Secession letter to President Bush

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.

We spoke to God, and She agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, She's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday! Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.

So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep Martha Stewart, we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ol Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama.

We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that.

Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.

Sincerely,
New Roman, California

*courtesy of chain email from blue state friend

corporations take over the world

i just read in one of my case studies that of the world's 100 largest economies in 2000, 49 were nations and 51 were corporations. http://www.corporations.org/system/top100.html. (does anyone know the updated number for 2005?)

i know it's a little outdated of a statistic and like we didn't already know that corporations are taking over the world, but it just made me stop and think again about how it's still a scary world out there - thinking about the exchange of power, the power of politics (and money), and everything in between.

maybe that's why i'm in business school???? scary thought. i thought i was here to start a dent in changing the world...

"How bout I throw popcorn in your mouth?"

last night i unwisely ended up at a local bar filled with undergrads. here are some observations as i am, of course, older and wiser now:

1. as you get older, you learn to be a functional drunk. these undergrads were falling all over the place (and on each other, but that's debateable as to whether that was intentional). beer spillage everywhere - what a waste of alcohol. don't stand if you can't hang, weird shiny shirt man.

2. undergrad girls will wear hoochied out clothes no matter where they go on a night out. this is the big "red alert! red alert" in identifying undergrad girls at a local bar (or "prey" as some of my guy friends call them). let me provide the backdrop of where i was: bouncer looks like someone's uncle. they serve battered chicken wings at 1 am. there is a pinball machine. the locals wear flannel. it's called The Keg. not exactly what you might call the hippest place around. but there were halter tops and midriffs abound. let's guess who was wearing them...

3. there IS such a thing as trying too hard, my young undergrad friends. when you are a dude with an unbuttoned shirt and big fluffy hair, please don't toss that head around when you are dancing (imagine open palms next to the ears and elbows out) like you are the next wiliam hung. and don't do it when you are arms length from the girl(s) you are hitting on. because you are literally hitting them.

4. there is always "that" guy. as my friends and i were soaking in the awesome people watching that was occuring in front of our very eyes (this is SO much better than the O.C.!!), a drunk-off-his-ass dude from our class comes over. first - he's there by himself and is about 6 years older than any undergrad that's rejected him that night (red alert! red alert!). he offers us popcorn (this consists of him stuffing it in his mouth and missing, then proceeding to spill it all over us and the floor). then he starts in on my friend:

Ick guy: "You have very nice teeth."
My turned-off friend: "Thanks."
Ick guy: "Did you ever get braces? Cuz you have very nice teeth."
My turned-off friend: "No."
Ick guy: "What's wrong? You must be tired. Am I annoying you? Am I annoying you? Am I?"
(imagine some nice spraying of spit and popcorn residual coming out of his mouth.)

He switches gears. He turns to me.
Ick guy: "Don't you think your friend has nice teeth? I don't think she likes me very much. Did you ever have braces?"
Laughing-my-ass-off me: "Yes, she does. And yes, I did."
Ick guy: "You are from California, huh? I can tell. You are more laidback cuz you are smiling. I don't think your friend likes me very much."
Laughing-my-ass-off me: "Oh, really?"

Turns back to her.
Ick guy: "You should smile more. You have nice teeth. Am I annoying you?"
My turned-off friend: "Yes."
Ick guy: "Do you think I'm weird?"
My turned-off friend: "Yes."
Ick guy: "Do you want me to stop talking?"
My turned-off friend: "Yes."
Ick guy: "How bout I throw popcorn in your mouth? Come on. Open up. What's wrong?"

You gotta love The Keg.

structure, structure, structure...

do you ever find that you are actually less productive when you have more free time? instead of power meetings and tons of class (which, btw, i will admit i really enjoy) today, i had all but one 45-min meeting and i've managed to buy lunch, take a nap and buy picture frames. not exactly what i'd call powering through the day...

so i have a little problem...

it's the first thing i do when i wake up in the morning. it's the last thing i do before i climb into bed after a long day. i do it right after i come home from the bars at 2 am, right before and after class, when i'm talking on the phone, having people over, studying, in between changing clothes.

it's really become a problem. i'm addicted to email. that send/receive outlook button haunts me if i'm not pressing it. it stares at me with burning eyes behind this web browser right now. but i'm fighting the urge. i...can...do...it. doh. i just pressed it again. ah well. tomorrow is another day.

i have analyzed this problem and have come to the conclusion that i need it because if not for it, or messenger for that matter (i highly recommend Yahoo!, but that's a whole 'nother addiction story for another time), i feel like i'm falling behind with the world. the frenzy to which people ask "did you get that?" "did you answer my email yet?" "so are you going?" "wasn't that crazy?" makes me tense. get what email? go to what? what was crazy? i need to know!

send/receive is my soak in the tub. but like a million times a day.

and let's forget for a minute that i'm actually in school. grad school. which means my 680 classmates and i are trapped in the same single building ALL day. talking to each other ALL THE TIME.

clearly real human interaction does not seem to be enough for me. i need constant stimuli. so one solution to relieve part of my addiction is this blog. my taterthoughts. ah, the release! i can feel it already. the tub. the soak. or is it...ah sigh... welcome to my new addiction.