Cold with a chance of snow and...no more flip flops

and so it begins. the chicago winter.

it's about 22 degrees right now and expected to hit 17 degrees tonight. it was so cold today that my 8 minute walk to school caused my thighs to go numb by the time i got to the school building. you think i joke. this california girl does NOT joke when it comes to cold weather.

i thought about three things on my way home tonight.

first, i thought about my conversation with AbeL yesterday and how it's so amazing to think about the little snow flurries that were blowing by today. How the same natural element can turn into snow today and flutter onto the windows of my living room, be added to my diet coke at lunch, cleanse me in the shower when i get home and evaporate before i can even notice it. it's pretty mindblowing to think that this was created in nature somehow...

second, i thought about how fast life just passes us by - it's another winter already. i bumped into a friend i haven't seen in a while and he drove me home tonight. i was telling him it's so easy to hang out with my friends, but there are a bunch of people i used to bump into all the time last year whom i loved to see and hang out with. but now, it takes a conscious effort to try and contact them - which is too much work for most people, including myself most of the time.

it's so easy to just live each day without really thinking about what we do or how we live. in my leadership class, we talk a lot about how all the great leaders we've studied always took time to reflect on what they were doing, what their vision was for themselves and how to use those realizations to achieve their goals. and i think most of us just try to get through each day without ever asking "why?"

and finally, the thought that keeps ringing again and again in my mind when the weather starts to change like this: I heart California.

waiting is the hardest part (tom petty right?)

i feel like i've been in a rut lately and not sure why.

i think i'm surrounded by this tornado of people trying to figure out what they want to do with the next stage in their life, how much they are willing to compromise, how to find the courage to do what they are passionate about, how their loved ones fit into the picture...the moods change like the wind everyday with my friends and i'm trying not to get caught up and swept away in the storminess of it all.

but at the same time, i'm starting to wonder - is going into education right after bschool the right thing to do? will it limit my successes later on? should i be responsible and find a job that pays more to support myself (and my future potential house, wedding, family, etc)? what if i decide i hate it?

in my heart, i know i will absolutely love it. that's the only reason i have stayed my course. this summer proved it to me on a practical sense. my conversations with like-minded friends proves it to me on an intellectual and emotional sense. and yet, for some reason i am ill at ease.

i think part of it is coming to terms with the fact that i am not pursuing that brand name company job with that brand name level salary that comes with it. i have some ego for god's sake! :) while people say it's so "honorable" to make the decision i made, it's still an internal struggle sometimes.

i think part of it is also that i will be moving again next year. i have just started to really love my friends and home here. and i finally get to spend some semblance of time with my boyfriend. (tho i fear it will grow distant with our busy schedules). at the same time, i can't wait to see my friends back home again, but know it will take some time to reinsert myself into their lives again as well. and i'll have to do another year of long distance with the boy. and i will be trying to make my place in a brand new company in a brand new industry.

transition = uncertainty = excitement = anxiousness

and all i can do is continue on and wait for all the pieces to fall together.

a whirl of a week!

i get to celebrate my birthday four times this year - probably one of the most drawn out birthdays i've ever had. it's so weird too because i feel like as we grow older, we move apart and get wrapped up more in our own lives and yet so many people i thought wouldn't necessarily remember, sent me birthday wishes this year. it really impressed me and made me feel like i really need to be better about that for other people. on top of that, the friends i've made at school over the last year and a half have been nothing but wonderful in making me feel like i've found a place here. i heart my friends and fam.

Friday night: let's whirl some balls! we started the night with dinner at a great little italian place in chicago where we got shushed because we were too loud. dodger got a cake that said "happy birthday tatertot" on it and wore a shirt with my face on it - long story. then about 40 of us spent the night playing whirlyball, which is a total midwestern thing. it's basically a blend of bumper cars, basketball and lacrosse. You have two teams in bumper cars with lacrosse-like sticks passing around a whiffle ball trying to score baskets. if that sounds fun, it's actually twice as much fun as that...those crazy midwesterners...what am i turning into?

Sunday night: dodger and i had reservations at one of the newest restaurants in Chicago, Carnivale, for our own quiet time dinner. but lame us as students suddenly got bogged down with so much work that we had to cancel those plans and ended up staying in Evanston - but went to a really great place here instead and had a nice time. ah well - no chicago. i keep thinking i can't wait til i graduate, have a normal weekend schedule again (and a paycheck would really help!).

Tonight: my thoughtful friend Red sent out an email today to see if anyone wanted to grab drinks after our night class for my actual bday day (even tho most of them celebrated it on Friday already). so a bunch of us ended up at an irish pub for a low-key drinks and catching up night. just long enough for me to come home and change into my jammies and go to bed at a decent hour. how old am i again?!

Wednesday: two of my closest girlfriends here want to take me out for a massage and then a yum dinner at another fancy restaurant in Chicago, called Green Zebra - so much fun this week, i can't take it! Bad news is i can no longer do the massages. Good news is that it's because i have a job interview with a company that only called back 2 people from our school for their office positions. nervous, but hopeful. keep your fingers crossed. and i still get to try Green Zebra. woohoo!

all in all, i can't get over that people actually want to celebrate my bday with me like this(though one day of celebration would have made me really happy already). it's been a stressful couple of weeks, so this is just what i needed. and it just reminds me that i should be a good friend in return. what goes around comes around and thankfully, this time it's all good things...

why i like halloween

i like seeing grow ups eat lollipops and dress up like superman.